


Naked Apron Cookie Baking and a Handjob

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Dave/Karkat, Background Dave/Nepeta, Comedy, Ectobiological Incest, F/M, Implied Roxy/Latula, Mommy Kink, Past Abuse, Thighjob, Underappreciated N64 Classics, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 02:09:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: "I'm imagining baking factors into this thing, right? Sexy baking? Cookies are hella Mom territory.”Dave snorted and leaned back into the sofa. “Oh yeah. Wearing nothing but an apron. Ass hanging out. Pulling a tray of double chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.”“And then you get a handjob.”“Obviously I get a handjob. With the toasty oven mitt still on.”Roxy burst out laughing. “Are you sure you're not just hungry?”“I mean. I could always go for some cookies. If I'm being honest.”





	Naked Apron Cookie Baking and a Handjob

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prim_the_Amazing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/gifts).



Dave Strider was being quiet. And anyone that knew Dave Strider knew that if five minutes passed without some nonsense tumbling out of his mouth, something was clearly the matter.

Roxy set her GameCube controller down after forward smashing Dave’s Captain Falcon into oblivion with Ness’s bat. “Hey, you okay? You're doing real bad today. Like. I know you always get pretty soundly wrekt by my Ness and all, but this is troubling. Wanna switch to something else? Pikmin?”

“Huh?” Dave took a bit too long to respond, longer while he seemingly had to process what was said to him. “Nah. Everything is good. Shit is tight. Uh. Whatever game you want is fine. I think my fingers are just. Tired.”

“Tired fingers…” Dave was usually a bit quicker on his feet than that.

“From using them.”

Roxy snorted before she was able to fully stifle a laugh. “You doin’ a lot of fingering, Dave?”

Another delayed reaction and his face reddened a bit but he didn't even laugh. “Oh, yeah. Like a world class flautist.” At least his brain wasn't entirely offline.

“For real though. Something is clearly up. You don't need to talk about it if you want, but I am offering an ear. Maybe two.”

Dave shook his head a bit. “No, really. I'm fine.”

The word ‘okay' was barely out of Roxy’s mouth when he started talking again.

“Okay so. What do you do if there's something you want in a relationship but it's not something you're getting from your existing partners?”

Roxy blinked. “Wel--”

“Yeah. I mean, talk to them about it, right? But I have no idea how. Conceptually. I'm dating hella aliens, Roxy. And this is a pretty uniquely human problem.”

Roxy waited a moment to see if it was safe to interject. It seemed there was a gap in the merging lane. “What exactl--”

“They try. They're great. But they don't get it, you know? Karkat is wonderful but not with problems. Last time I was feeling off about things -- well, things about myself -- he just started yelling that I was valid and it looked like he was going to cry? Which was one of the more fucked up things to happen to me recently. Which is saying something. And Nepeta.” Dave took a breath. “She's always down to have a jam but our relationship honestly feels a little more physical. Or active. Like, Karkat is up for staying in and watching movies and ordering in some fried dumplings or whatever. But Nepeta. Oh my god she is made of energy. She is always scooping me up and carrying me places? Like. Rock climbing walls and ziplines and god just all manner of ESPN2 X-Games shit. It was a relief when she started dating Aradia because it meant I was off the hook for spelunking.”

Roxy decided to cut off Dave’s conversation car by force. “So by spelunking, you mean butt stuff?” She knew what he meant but oh my god, Dave, take a breather.

“Fuck! No. Oh god. Hard pass on that. You don't grow up with as much puppet trauma as I did without being very nervous about putting anything up a backdoor. Ever go to put your hand up a handpuppet before and get the shit sliced out of your hand by a ninja star? No. Nobody not named Dave Strider ever--”

“Dave! Oh my god, please stop talking.”

“You asked, Rox.”

“We all have regrets. Anyway. Listen to yourself. You already have the solution and no it's not puppet ass shuriken! Do not go down that rambling path or I will physically eject you from my home.”

Dave had seen Roxy fight and the possibility of that was very real, so he just nodded and let her continue.

“You've got your relax at home boyfriend and your active lifestyle girlfriend. You're not up to the Indiana Jones lifestyle so you were happy Nepeta found someone to explore chasms with.” Explore chasms might have been a sex joke because it sounded like orgasms at the end there. If it was, Roxy didn't intend it.

“Explore chasms? Really, Roxy? And I'm the one who needs to focus here.”

“Keeping you on your toes after your atrocious Melee performance today. Sorry, those slips start coming when I think about Nepeta.” Roxy grinned.

“Jesus. Yes, please tell me how my girlfriend gets you revved up. This is absolutely what I want to discuss right now. Or ever.” Not that Dave could blame her, really.

“But back on topic, for realsies. You're lacking in something, then talk to your partners about finding it with someone else. I'm sure they'll understand, especially if you're right and they just straight up aren't equipped to handle it. I'm sure there's some weird troll stuff they can't bring to you and fulfill that in other quads. This is Poly 101, probably. Maybe 201. I'm not a professor, Dave.”

“Shit. That is obvious. Like. Incredibly. That is kid's menu placemat maze easy. Not even being sarcastic. It's beginner setting picross and it just never even occurred to me. I'll do that.”

Roxy rolled her eyes. And then her curiosity reached its breaking point and she had to ask the question that she'd been avoiding up until that moment. “So, what's the thing you're lacking anyway?”

\---

TG: rose you around  
TG: ive got a question which is totes not urgent  
TG: rosie  
TT: Ah, the forbidden summoning incantation. Despite its lack of urgency, you still choose to use such dark magicks. Tell me your query.  
TG: i know im gettin MAD IRRESPONSIBLE with my wizardry over here but i figured you were probably there but ignoring my messages because of some sicknasty wizard fic  
TT: You don't know my life.  
TG: are you readin it or writing it?? :3  
TT: Your question, Roxy?  
TG: o rite whats mommy kink?  
TG: i searched but mainly got stuff that wasnt really an explanation like fuzzy closeups of lips with cursive writin imposed on top sayin like ‘i have a mommy kink’ or whatever or like  
TG: 73 different video thumbnails of nearly identical mom aged blonde women leaning over someone first person view on a bed  
TG: usually grabbin on a dick  
TG: rose  
TG: u still there?  
TT: How exactly did that come up?  
TG: i mean probably her grabbin up on it but who knows i mean the titties are fully out too  
TT: I… meant the topic of mommy kink. Not the random porn boner.  
TG: i know :3  
TG: anyway its not important it just came up and i figure if im gonna ask anyone about a kink ur probably the one to go to  
TT: Should I feel flattered or insulted?  
TG: dont ask me lol im not the one with therapist in my screen name  
TT: Touché.  
TT: But, I don't know. It's pretty much self-explanatory. Someone with a mommy kink wants them to mother them, basically.  
TG: so leave him a huge liquor cabinet and food and peace out of his life?  
TT: No. I think it means be drunk and neglectful all the time but also smothering when the mood strikes, but in an ironic and passive aggressive kind of way.  
TG: and a handy  
TT: Yes, obviously a handjob.  
TT: Wait ‘him’ who? Who is this ‘him?’  
TT: Roxy.

\---

That went about as well as Dave imagined it going. Whoever taught Karkat the phrase ‘you're valid’ deserved to get smacked in the face. But Karkat recognized he had no idea what a mom was and was more than happy for Dave to fulfill special human needs elsewhere as long as he filled him in on the details and used good judgment and used protection if there were sex things going on that could result in pregnancy or ‘weird human genital diseases.’

Nepeta insisted on trying to help. And that involved some tongue bathing. Which was pretty nice, truthfully. And picking Dave up by the back of his neck… which was still kind of sore. And Dave pulled the brakes on this terrible carnival ride of intergalactic miscommunication when Nepeta brought him a freshly killed bird to eat.

He did keep the skeleton though. Don't waste a perfectly good skeleton!

But she signed off on it too. So. That was all settled. And now Dave was over Roxy’s again, taking turns on Mischief Makers on the N64. “How has this game not made it onto any eShops? How has nobody brought Mischief Makers out of 1997 yet and into modern times?”

Roxy shook a missile and threw it back at the attacking Clancers. “Right? It didn't even get good reviews when it came out. 20th century sounds awful if they couldn't even appreciate this classic.”

“It's the perfect game. Question though. Professor Theo built Marina though, right?”

“Yeah. He's a robotics genius.” Shake shake! “Oh my god it's the cat! I love this thing.”

“Why's he always perving on her then? Like. That's basically his daughter.”

“Is she?” She handed the controller over. “I mean did he intend her to be when he built her? She might just be a robot. Or maybe he built her to be hot.”

Dave was concentrating on some elementary school level math. “I guess. I mean you don't give a hot robot woman thighs like that on accident.”

“Marina can crush me.’

“Same.” Dodgeball time. “Maybe it's the age difference weirding me out. Dude’s old as hell.”

“True. Oh! That reminds me. Uh. How's your Mommy Quest going?”

Dave fumbled the weird-shaped N64 controller and handed it back over to Roxy, having gotten a B-Rank for the stage. “Uh. Fine. I mean I talked to everyone. Got signatures on the waivers. Mommy Quest is a go, I guess? Which is what we're calling it now?”

It was boss fight time. Lunar, riding CERBERUS Alpha. “You have anyone in mind yet?”

“N-nah. I don't exactly have a rolodex of women I'm close enough to that I can bring up my weird-ass kinks to. Like it's obviously not going to be Rose.”

“Obviously. What about Jade?” Gold gem obtained. She went to do a hand-off but Dave declined, so she set it down and let the stage select screen idle.

“She is dating Rose. That is not enough degrees of separation between my junk and Rose Lalonde’s. Hard pass. Very hard.”

Roxy snrked. “You know Jane well? Like I know you know her. But are you close?”

“Not close enough to call her Mom in bed. No. I don't think so. How would I even bring that up? Fuck no.”

“Damn. She's got those motherly hips. And she bakes. I'm imagining baking factors into this thing, right? Sexy baking? Cookies are hella Mom territory.”

Dave snorted and leaned back into the sofa. “Oh yeah. Wearing nothing but an apron. Ass hanging out. Pulling a tray of double chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.”

“And then you get a handjob.”

“Obviously I get a handjob. With the toasty oven mitt still on.”

Roxy burst out laughing. “Are you sure you're not just hungry?”

“I mean. I could always go for some cookies. If I'm being honest.”

“I'm fresh out. I'll put some on the list. So is that the Dave Strider Mommy Experience? Fresh baked cookies and a warm padded jerk? What about you're playing XBox and she asks you from the other room if you want macaroni and cheese with your nuggets or just the broccoli and then you yell at her that you're gaming?”

Dave pinched the bridge of his nose. This entire exchange was ludicrous but somehow not embarrassing as it should be. “One, do I still get a handjob? Two, why would I eat broccoli?”

“Jesus Christ, Dave. Eat a vegetable. You need to eat a vegetable.”

“Two dash a, I drink so much apple juice. Two dash b, Pizza Rolls definitely have nutrients. Two dash c, my dying body aside, my sexual fantasy is not going to include eating small trees that smell like farts. I'm an untamed panther. I don't eat broccoli.”

“Panthers don't eat Pizza Rolls either, dingus.”

“They do. As evidenced by me. I will get Phoenix Wright on you about this, so help me.”

A huge eyeroll from Roxy. “Okay. Next idea. Get Jade to shrink you down. And then for the Ultimate Mom Experience you get stuffed up a--”

Dave jolted upright and stared daggers at her from behind his shades. “No. That is a whole other set of kinks. I'm here for mom stuff. You're jumping straight to macro-micro unbirthing shit. I'm over here in Pornhub and you're off over in FurAffinity.”

“Look, my dude. I don't know. I'm going off of literal definitions and things I've seen moms do on TV. I don't know about moms.”

“Yeah, same. Which like, why do I even want this? I have zero mom connection.”

She shrugged. “Who knows. Why does anyone like what they like? Anyway, I brought it up because I'm game. If you want.”

It was hard to see Dave’s look of suspicion and confusion with his sunglasses. “You're game.”

“I'm game. I'm up for it.”

“Isn't that a bit weird?”

“Is it?”

“Pretty sure?? What with…” He trailed off and motioned at her, then himself, then her. “You know. Hold on, I think I have a chart. Karkat made one forever ago and then we expanded it later.”

“I've seen the chart. I'm not even sure how accurate it is. It's all slime and clones. We're not even from the same universe. And we're the same age. It's all too weird and ridiculous for me to really think about those aspects. But you're in need of something. I'm able to help with it probably. So, uh. Hey! Why not! Right?”

“I mean. I guess.”

Roxy nodded. “Exactly. When I talked to Rose about--”

“You what?!”

“I had to ask Rose what it is.”

“Oh my god. She knows it's me. She definitely knows.”

Rose definitely knew. “I think maybe she suspects. But I didn't mention you!”

“Did you deny it??”

“No. I uh. Didn't say anything.”

“Roxy.”

“And I've been ignoring her messages since…”

Dave dragged both hands down his face. “I'm dead. I'm so dead. I don't know why this will kill me. But. I will definitely be dead. Ohhhhhhhhh no.”

\---

TT: Roxy.  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Roxy Lalonde.  
TT: I know you're there. You have not been offline all this time. We need to talk.  
TG: haha heeeeeey  
TT: Do not extend your vowels at me, Roxy.  
TG: look ok i knew you were about to get hellz of weird about  
TG: u know  
TG: the thing?? SO i just figure i would back off and give you some time to chill out  
TG: which you obviously did NOT DO i guess  
TT: I am much more ‘chilled out’ than I was, I assure you.  
TG: omg did you really just put chill out in quotes like its some weird foriegn phrase you never say wtf  
TG: *foreign  
TT: Clearly the concept of being chill is foreign to me.  
TG: clearly  
TT: Okay. Look.  
TT: It was pretty obvious that… The Thing was about Dave.  
TT: Which was kind of a weird and unexpected bombshell to have dropped on me. One that I didn't exactly want to know about, at that.  
TT: But after thinking on it, it made perfect sense anyway. Though I still will never forgive you for the brief mental image of you getting all MILFy on him that I suffered through.  
TG: my b for real  
TG: sorry!!  
TG: wait what do you mean it makes sense  
TT: Well, this is just me being an armchair psychologist here.  
TG: as usual  
TT: Shush.  
TT: Anyway. As I was saying, while not always the case, a lot of times kinks or fetishes come about when someone needs something in their life that they aren't getting elsewhere. For example, and this may be a tired stereotype, the powerful alpha businessman who likes to be dominated. He is someone who is always in control in his professional life, and therefore craves someone else taking the metaphorical wheel now and then.  
TG: okay so what does this have to do with dave who IM NOT EVEN SAYIN HAS A MOMMY KINK OR WHATEVZ AND THIS IS ALL ACTUALLY SPECULUATION  
TG: *SPECULATION  
TT: Roxy, please. It is so obviously about Dave. Speaking of Dave, how much do you know about his childhood?  
TG: oh shit buckle in  
TG: rosie lalonde bringin up upbringin we are fully in psychoanalysis country lol  
TG: but uh yeah not much?? he doesnt talk about it  
TG: i know theres puppets and ninja stars and im not sure hes EVER EVEN SEEN a vegetable but besides that i got nothin  
TT: It is probably not my place to talk about someone else’s past, but…  
TT: This is incredibly relevant and, quite frankly, I think it would help all parties involved for you to have this information.  
TT: Please keep in mind that this does not reflect in any way on Dirk, much like our respective mothers don't reflect on us.  
TT: Dave’s childhood was… hm. I am trying to think of a gentler way to say abusive, but that's what it was. I suppose ‘fucked up beyond belief’ would also apply.  
TG: shit what  
TT: Shit what indeed. It was not a good environment, and Dave routinely got his ass kicked. For training for SBURB, apparently. Not that that excuses it. But, well, that pretty much is a foundation upon which Dave’s self-esteem issues, habitual coping mechanism of irony, and hesitancy to open up have been built on.  
TT: None of us had it very good--well, besides John and Jane--but I feel confident in saying Dave had it the worst.  
TG: fuck  
TG: this is a lot to process and i feel like i should be puttin the puzzle pieces together now but where exactly does mommy kink come into play here  
TT: Simply put, warmth and affection. I know in regard to mothers those may seem like foreign concepts, but generally speaking, that's what mothering entails, and that is also what Dave lacks.  
TT: Well, I'm certain he gets plenty from Karkat and Nepeta. Thank God.  
TG: but its a different kind right  
TG: comin from a parental figure  
TG: lol even in a kink context i guess??  
TG: UGH jane would be so much better at this!!!  
TG: she could put a mustache on and call him sport or whatever  
TG: or is that daddy kink :3  
TT: Ah. So, my suspicions have been confirmed. You have indeed offered to help him with this.  
TT: That's nice. I am incredibly weirded out by this knowledge, but that's nice.  
TT: Oh, and this goes without saying, but don't treat him differently because of what I've been telling you. Just show him some kindness and affection. And your breasts, probably.  
TG: that was a very awkward attempt at humor rose  
TG: anyway ill let you know how it goes  
TT: That is incredibly unnecessary.  
TT: …  
TT: But you should tell me, you're right. For scientific reasons. My volumes of research on Subject D haven't been updated in some time.

\---

Today was the day and Roxy was more nervous than she expected. Dave was coming over to hang out in like five minutes, and she was ready to go all out.

“Apron: On. Ass: Out. I am forcibly escorted to kink jail.” She opened the oven door and grabbed the cookie… tray? The baking sheet? The flat metal thing. She reached into her recently acquired groceries and pulled out a package of Nabisco Chips Ahoy! Chunky Chocolate Chunk cookies and emptied the sleeves, crumbs and all, onto the sheet. It was a mess, which was solved by stacking the cookies into little groups of three and some stragglers.

Should she put on music? Light some candles? No. That seemed kind of… off. She put the cookies in the oven and set it to just barely on. She was flying pretty blind here but she knew that blasting already baked cookies at 425° or whatever would just be a disaster.

She peered over her shoulder, trying to get a look at her ass. To check it, she guessed? It was there. It was out. Maybe it being out was too much. Maybe she should put on some underwear, at least?

Why would a mom have her ass out? Well. If her ass was contained she'd just be a woman warming up some store bought cookies. This put the intentions up front.

Or in back.

Roxy was considering some shorts when there was a knock on the door, followed by it opening. “Hey, sup? I am here and brought apology apple juice. The good not from concentrate kind. I overreacted before so I just wanted to say I can see your tits uh what the fuck.”

Wow, he sure could, huh? Not fully. But the sides were definitely peeking out from around the apron. The frills did nothing! Roxy adjusted while Dave read nutritional information. Smooth. Great job. “H-hey, sweetie. How was…” School sounded too young. No thanks. Work sounded more like a wife greeting her husband. College? Does hypothetical Mommy Kink Scenario Dave Strider go to college nearby but has opted to live at home instead of in a dorm to save money, or because one or both of them is weirdly clingy and worried about him moving away even if he is close enough to just pop in with apple juice whenever? “...your day? What did you do?” Nailed it.

Dave gave a quick glance upward to see if there was still errant sideboob. “Uh. It was fine. I… worked on some beats. And bought apple juice. And came here.” His voice volume dropped to a mumble. “Wait. Sweetie? What the fuck.” What the fuck?

She perked up. Cookies. “That's great! I made cookies for you. Let me go get them.” She forced down her awareness that her ass was very much out and her thoughts on how weird this was to just suddenly spring on someone and went to retrieve the Chips Ahoy!s, which had reached ‘left in the car’ temperature.

Roxy had a nice ass. She was pretty athletic but also appreciated some sitting around gaming time. And Lalondes seemed pretty genetically predisposed to being at least a little callipygian. It wasn't too big or curvy or anything but it was good for grabbing. And looked better as she was bent over grabbing the cookie tray, oven mitts on (they were pink and looked like cats). Dave may have noticed all of this if his brain had gotten past ‘ASS OUT’ and a klaxon going off in his head. Before he could stop himself, he muttered an “oh, shit,” and then it hit him.

Like a sack of rocks. This was the thing. The kink thing. She was doing it. Out of nowhere. With the cookies and the apron and the oven mitts (which looked like cats, and getting a handjob with one on kind of seemed like it would be like getting a blowjob from a cat puppet, and Dave was definitely not feeling that). And her ass was out, and Dave finally noticed how nice it was. But, uh.

“Hey, we don't have to do this? You don't, I mean. I was just talking. Like. You know. As usual. The norm. Your ass is very much out, and it is my first time seeing it. And it's all pretty overwhelming and why are the cookies stacked? Wait. I can see the container on the counter. Roxy, oh my god. No, but yeah. For real. Uh. This is. Uh.”

Roxy put the tray on top of the stove and switched the oven off, taking the mitts off. “Hey. Hey. Shh.” She broke character, which she probably should have done before he even arrived. “It's cool. It's fine. I have no problem with this and thought it would be fun to try. Yes, my ass is out. I am pretty hyper aware of this, in fact. I'm also realizing I probably showed off more when I went to get the cookies out.”

“Yep.”

“Yep. Okay then. I mean, I was clearly okay with whatever happening since I made to choice to, you know, be naked except for an apron. But this is something you wanted.” They both kind of made a face after she said that. “Okay. So. You wanted an approximation of this, conceptually. And I could provide. I figured, hey! Why not! Dave deserves it.”

He didn't show it, but that last part definitely got to him. “Yeah. Well. I don't think I was ready for this though. Maybe we would both be more comfortable if you put on some clothes though?”

Roxy laughed at that. “Yeah. Yes. Yep. Okay. How about you go sit down on the couch, and I'll be back in a minute?” She walked to her room, fruitlessly covering her ass with an oven mitt.

And sit he did. He was still holding the juice. It wasn't even in a bag. What did she mean he deserved it? Ass? No one deserves ass. Dave wasn't really sure he deserved anything, let alone ass. Musing was cut short though by Roxy emerging from her bedroom, now clad in pink drawstring sweatpant shorts and a loose-fitting Pikmin t-shirt.

She took a seat next to him and grabbed the juice, sitting the bottle on a coaster on the table. “Better?”

Dave pushed his hair back despite it being nowhere near his glasses or otherwise in the way. “Uh. Yeah. Much. I don't know. I appreciate a nice ass as much as the next ass appreciator but that was a bit sudden.”

“Totally sorry about that,” Roxy paused as she suppressed a smirk. “I just wanted my sweet boy to be happy.” Before Dave could respond to that, she grinned. “Also you think I have a nice ass.”

“Okay, second of all, obviously. Because I have eyes. Actually, that doesn't even matter because I can think of multiple blind trolls who can probably just sense it. And first of all… ummm. Thanks?” His brow furrowed a bit.

Roxy scooted a bit closer to him and looked him straight-on. “For real though. Let's try this? If it's too much or gets weird, for either of us, we hit the brakes. Abort mission. Reload last save state. Alright?”

Dave barely got the ‘okay' out when her fingers were running through his hair, almost petting him. He took a deep breath and almost subconsciously moved his head upward to get closer to the source of attention.

“Does that feel good?” She stroked his head a few more times and gave his cheek somewhere between a caress and a pat. “You've been so tense lately. I've been worried about you.”

He answered with a ‘hmmm,’ kind of losing himself in the affection. Hearing that she was worried about him felt… nice.

Roxy smiled warmly and leaned back on the couch some, before slowly guiding Dave so that his cheek rested on her chest. Roxy Lalonde was no Jane in the chest department, or even a Megido, but she was soft and warm, and Dave snuggled right up against her. She let her deft gamer girl fingertips dance over the back of his neck and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “That's right. Relax. Let Mommy take good care of you.”

“Ifth…” Dave moved his face a bit to get the shirt off his mouth. “If it's okay, I'm gonna go with Mom. Is that okay? I think I would actually die if I called anyone Mommy in a sincere way. And then I would come back. And just have to live with that hanging over me for eternity.”

Roxy ruffled his hair and Dave groused a bit in response. “For real, my dude. You do you. Should I call myself Mom then too, or?”

Dave shook his head. “You are also welcome to do you. It's a free country. Also, this is real nice.”

Roxy gave a nod and again switched back into Mom Mode. “Let me make you feel nice and good, and then after, you can have some cookies. Before dinner.” She looked down at him and gave a wink. “It'll be our secret.”

“I do love me some cookies… Mom.” Dave let the word sit there for a moment, feeling it out. It was weird. But this whole thing was weird. But nice. Weird things had a way of being nice sometimes. And this fit that bill. He placed his hand on her side, and glancing up at her over his shades, he started to slide it upward.

Roxy gave her lower lip a small bite once it hit her what he was doing. It was a quick recovery time, apparently, between being weirded out about seeing a butt and going for a titty grope. She didn't stop him, and his palm engulfed Captain Olimar and part of a red Pikmin like a descending Wollywog and she arched her back a little, pressing into his palm. “Oh. Looks like you found a different pre-dinner treat there, huh?”

Dave’s face went a bit red and he stuttered a bit while trying to find some words in response. “What can I say, Mom. Cookies are good but… not as good as titties.”

Roxy couldn't stop herself from snorting, and the way opened for a big laugh. “Oh my god, Dave. Jesus. Not as good as titties. I'm sorry, but for real, do Karkat and Nepeta let you talk while foolin’ around? Like honestly.”

Dave released her breast and kind of dragged his hand down his face. “Fuck. I know. What the fuck. No. Karkat doesn't let me get a word in edgewise and Nepeta usually has my mouth full. Which is definitely a thing I just said out loud. Nice.”

“To your mother! Terrible.”

“Right? Just call me Will Smith or Martin Lawrence because I am definitely a Bad Boy.”

Roxy squinted. “That sounds familiar.”

“It's a movie, Mom. God. Everyone knows it.”

Roxy rolled her eyes. “Sorry for not being up on all the hot new youth trends like… whatever the hot new youth trends are.”

“It came out in like… ‘94 or ‘95.”

“What century? Dave, I was born in 2409.”

“Oh, shit, right. So you definitely know the hot new youth trendz. With a z.”

“First off, we ended plural words in a dollar sign. Secondly, the biggest youth trend of the 24-teens-and-twenties was not getting murdered by The Empress. Dollar sign dollar sign.”

“That's not even a plural.”

Roxy sighed dramatically. “Look. Just. Lay back for me, okay? Oh, and is Bad Boys good?”

“I think John likes it. So probably not? It’s definitely a super generic buddy cop movie and I'm maybe 75% sure it's a Michael Bay thing.” He did, at the very least, lay back.

Roxy would move over him, shirt hanging in such a way to give him a full look down at her bust. Which he may have been taking. Roxy wasn't sure. She paused and reached for his shades, then stopped. “Can I?”

Dave took a breath, then nodded. She gently pulled the shades off and closed the temples before setting them on the table next to the juice.

“There we go. You have such nice eyes. You should show them off more.” They were also pointed right at her breasts. God. Without much warning, she pressed her chest right on Dave’s face, smothering him in cotton t-shirt. She ran a hand down his chest slowly. “Such a good boy. I've been reading your webcomic recently. The new one. It's really good.” She took a breath, chest moving against his face. She could feel his warmth through the fabric. “Have you worked on any music lately? You have a real talent for it.”

Her hand paused as she wondered something. The world Dave came from was so different than hers. And so different than the current one. They had stuff. But the world was still being built. As were societies and cultures. And populations. Did Dave have a lot of fans before since there were a lot of people? Did he have more creative output when there were more consumers of it and more feedback? Were his works now just little passion projects that didn't get aimed at an audience or was he just keeping his skills from getting rusty? “I liked your weird romance comic thing you worked on with Nepeta. You did most of the writing, right? It was very you. I'm proud of you.”

She was interrupted by a hand grabbing her ass, but then he let go, when her words hit him. “Wait what.”

“What?”

“You actually follow my stuff?”

“Yeah? Of course. It's funny! Very classic shitpost stuff. But I like the heavier stuff you're doing too.” She rested her hand on his thigh. “You're skilled.” She moved down a bit and kissed his shoulder. “I bet you have a ton of fans you don't know about.”

Roxy let her hand drift over some and was met with what was almost definitely a swelling erection covered by denim. “Oh my. Did my breasts do this or the compliments?”

Dave sputtered slightly. “Mom.”

She winked. “Yes. I know I did it. That's not an answer.” She fiddled a bit with his belt, undoing it and then popping the button of his fly.

“Probably both.”

“Probably. How about you let Mommy take care of this for you?” She pulled his zipper down, then worked on getting his jeans down, boxer briefs coming along for the ride. Her fingers wrapped around his swelling cock.

“Oh, Jesus.” He laughed. Then, realizing he was laughing, he buried his face against her tits, hoping she didn't notice.

She did. “Okay. So. Super rude to laugh at someone stroking your dick, Dave.”

He let out a small groan. “No. I know. It's nothing. Just. Naked apron cookies and then I get a handjob. Like we talked about.”

Her hand paused. “Oh god. As the prophecy foretold. In fairness though, you didn't eat the cookies. And there is more cuddling. Now, can Mommy get back to work, or…?”

He chuckled. “My b, Mom. Please.”

She pulled her shirt up with her free hand to reveal her bust, since Dave certainly seemed used to it now. Her other hand resumed stroking him, shaft now fully stiff.

Dave was uncut and probably around six inches in length. There wasn't a tape measure or ruler handy. He had a moderate girth that fit snug against her palm. “Mmmph. That's nice, huh?”

Dave nuzzled against Roxy’s bared chest a little. “Yeah. Def.” He kissed her skin and teased against a stiff brown nipple with his breath.

“Such a handsome young man. No wonder you've got two partners. Probably a whole line waiting to be number three and up.”

His cheeks burned and he didn't answer, taking her nipple between his lips.

“Mmn.” Roxy’s eyes closed and she pumped her hand a bit faster. Her other hand moved to caress his hair again and play along the edge of his very warm ear. “That feels very nice, Dave.”

He wrapped an arm around her and stroked down her back, fingers a little rough but not uncomfortable. His mouth was too full to respond, teeth grazing her sensitive nipple.

She sucked in a breath, but in a good way. Her thumb circled the head of his cock. “Good boy. Do you like that?”

He gave a nod as his tongue flicked that firm nub, sucking a bit harder. His hand migrated to her shorts and slipped under them, getting a handful of underwear-clad Lalonde ass. His other hand gently fondled her other breast.

Roxy shivered and blushed, moaning a bit. The tips of her fingers were wet from Dave’s cock and she got an idea. “Hold on.” She lifted her hips, Dave moving his hand, and slipped her shorts down until she could shimmy her legs out of then until they were dangling off one ankle. Her underwear were pink and had a Super Nintendo controller printed on the back with the words PUSH MY BUTTONS framing it above and below. She gripped his cock again and repositioned until he was aimed between her thighs, moving forward until his shaft was nestled against her fabric-covered crotch. “There we go.” She put her hands on his shoulders and began to roll her hips.

Dave groaned and gripped her ass with both hands, hips giving a buck. “Thhhis… is more than a handy.”

“Sure is. My sweet boy deserves it. He's had such a rough time lately, huh?” She moved up and down, his slightly slick cock sliding easily between her thighs.

He could feel her warmth and wetness and his fingers dug in against her rear end a bit more. Dave found a slow firm rhythm of thrusts that Roxy quickly matched.

“So many feelings and emotions you didn't know how to deal with. I bet it was hard. You could have just came to Mommy sooner. You know I want to make things better and take good care of you.” She squeezed her thighs closer together, making for a tighter, more resistant experience.

Dave grunted and nodded, biting a white line in his bottom lip while his thrusting became a bit uneven. His eyes opened and he looked up at Roxy with maybe just a hint of panic. “Uh. I'm close. Getting closer. What should I… do?”

Roxy leaned down and kissed his cheek, putting a finger to his lips to shush him, which he took into his mouth. Which she was definitely not expecting. But wow, was she into it. “Shh. Don't worry. Just do it. Go ahead.”

“Are you sthure?” Dave spoke with the digit in his mouth, mildly salty sweet with his own dried pre-ejaculate.

She kissed his cheek and then moved to whisper into his ear, tongue curling around the outer edge. “Go ahead. Come for Mommy, Dave. I want you to. I want you to feel good. Please.” She nipped the lobe.

And he came. His short nails bit into her skin and he arched his back up off the couch. His thrusts came hard and with no pattern, and Roxy felt his warm, sticky finish on her skin and soaking slightly into her already damp underwear.

“Mmmph. Good boy. Give it all to Mommy. Get it all out. So hot and handsome and good. I love you so much.” Her fingers ran through his hair, nails dragging against his scalp. She spoke in a hissed whisper near his ear still and her hips rolled more as he reached the end.

Dave’s cock gave a few final twitches as the last of his seed dribbled from his tip, his breath coming out in ragged pants. Her words washed over him and mingled with the post-orgasm glow and his panting turned into a sudden sobbing gasp.

Roxy paused. “Are you okay?”

Dave swallowed. “Y-yeah.” His voice cracked a bit and he held his breath but it came out in a shudder.

She popped up to see big tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Oh shit! Are you crying?! Did I do something? Dave!”

“No! No no! I'm not! Fuck.” He covered his face with a forearm. “There's just fuckin’... dander. Cat dander. There's always assloads of cat dander in here. I never even see cats but there's always hair on everything.” He sobbed again and tried to cover it with a cough. “I go home sometimes and go to the bathroom and there's somehow cat hair in my pants. Like on my dick. I look like I got blown by ALF.”

“ALF?”

“ALF. Old TV show. He was a puppet.”

“A cat puppet?”

Dave wiped his face on his sleeve. “No. An alien. From… Ork. No, wait. That was Mork. Melmac. Wait, was Melmac from Mac and Me? No. No. It was ALF. Anyway. He ate cats. Or tried to, I guess.”

Roxy scoffed. “ALF sounds like he sucks.”

“Look, I don't know how many cats he actually ate. I'm assuming some.”

“Okay, so like. His mouth and throat would be full of cat hair.”

“Which got on my dick.”

“During your alien puppet blowjob. Was ALF hot?”

“Oh yeah. As fuck. No, not at all. I'm not attracted to ALF.” He sighed, crying averted.

“Dave, it wasn't dander. Please. Was that bad?” She moved to get off of his softening dick and sit next to him.

“Fuuuck. No. It was great. It was really good. Okay? Just. I'm not. I don't uh. I haven't really. Felt that way in a while. Like really appreciated and. Warm?” He sat up and sighed. “No. That's not true. I know I am. And I've felt warmth. It was just different and what I needed and it was just kind of overwhelming.”

Roxy leaned over and cuddled against his side. “I get it. You know… you can just let it be known that you need some affection and care, Dave.”

“What, like ask for it? Big yikes.”

“Just say you're open to it. If you need it. It doesn't need to come from a kink or sex. I know you've got this whole image going.”

“Hey, in my defense? I used to be way fucking worse.”

She grinned. “I've heard. But I'm just saying.”

“Okay, yeah, I get it.” A pause hung in the air. “But the sex part is good too, though. Let's not downplay the sex part. It's hot as hell.”

“Yeah! I'm definitely not saying no more mommy kink stuff, dude. Just opening up other outlets.”

“Just a powerstrip of good feelings.”

“Just plug it in wherever.”

“Maybe after my refractory period.”

“Oh my god.” She stood up. “I'm going to wipe jizz off my thighs and get changed. Clean off the couch please?”

Dave froze. “What?”

Roxy suddenly got a stern look. “I'm your mother, not your maid, young man.”

“Come on. The scene is over. Can't I just flip the cushion?”

“A. That is disgusting and you should feel bad. B. The other side has a way worse teal stain I couldn't get out. So get scrubbing.” Roxy entered the bathroom. “And then I'm making dinner. And a salad.”

“Vegetables? The scene is over. This is a violence, Roxy. My body isn't ready for salad. It's going to reject it.” He grabbed a rag from the linen closet and a spray bottle of fabric cleaner. “Do you have a detergent… thing?”

“Yeah. Top shelf. And will you just try the salad? I got some weird apple dressing. It's practically juice. You'll love it.”

“Fine. I give up.”

“Good, or else no dessert.”

Dave headed back to the couch, still needing to wipe himself down too. “You're entirely too into this, by the way.”


End file.
